i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
