The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
