He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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