Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
