I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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