Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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