You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
