he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
