Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
