Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
