I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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