On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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