I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
