when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
