He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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