my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
you have to choose: penises or morals?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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