she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I am never drinking with the goths again.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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