I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
