Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
