At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Randomize
