The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
it glows. i had to have it.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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