I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
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In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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