been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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