Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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