i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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