Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Shame - the story of my life.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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