The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
