im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
