I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
