I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
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My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
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When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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