woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
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i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize