so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
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He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
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Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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