I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
