I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
