have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
