you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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