Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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