I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
