I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Randomize
