It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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