Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
