3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
