he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
