I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
FUCK WHALES
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize