I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
