she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
