Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
