I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
