Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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