Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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