Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize