Will you blow on my dice?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
