:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
