i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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