Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Randomize
