I accidentally had phone sex last night
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
