So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
