Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
