I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
