he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
