you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
