An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
