Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
