First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize