i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
29 Super Simple DIY Drinking Games
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research