Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
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To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
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Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing