Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad