I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.