I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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