I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
