And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I can't put those talents on a resume
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
