you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
