she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
