Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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