i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I DEMAND FORESKIN
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
