Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
