..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
