i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
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You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
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Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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